A lot to learn

So there is a lot to learn in this life.

I believe in fate, not as something unchangeable, but as something that is affected by every choice you make. I believe in a design. I believe in higher powers and an order we do not fully comprehend. To sum it up, I believe humans are sufficiently ignorant to say we're not able to devise what exactly is in store for us, or how it works. However, I've always had the feeling there was some kind of balance, some set of laws that defined the paths that are laid in front of us.

Today, this belief of mine is not exactly broken. But sometimes I wish it were.

There is something I must have done to have received so many blessings and have them plucked from my grasp one by one.

There is some kind of rotten hubris afoot, causing me to make the wrong choices, to take the wrong paths.

Or maybe I am just a device to fate. To serve as a catalyzer to other people's choices and paths.

Maybe I am just an obstacle to overcome.

Maybe I am just a ladder to use.

Maybe I have to serve my purpose, without expecting to realize what it is.

Maybe I have to serve this purpose and wait for nothing in return.

This is the most optimistic view I can have right now. That somehow, somewhere, there is still some piece of the universe to which I am useful.

This way I can empty my own suffering. This way I can focus is serving a purpose.

Even if I know it not.